Many people have said (through articles, interviews, research, etc.) that it is better to go through grad school single. (Reason being, that 50% of marriages fail to survive graduate school.) This is in part because the member of the team who is IN grad school has to make that program their number one priority (really number two but for the sake of this argument, we will assume that God has the TOP priority and that everything else is below that). And this is ultimately just super rough for the other person involved. Luckily, I have decided to also start graduate school which I think will be a great distraction for at least the next year or two. But that won’t stop the occasional feelings of loneliness and…singleness.
One of the things I wish I had been told before was that a key aspect of surviving graduate school is that you need to relearn how to be single. And not single like going out and picking up guys, obviously. But single in the going to get the groceries, spending time alone at home, taking care of household things, going out without your significant other kind of single. Your graduate school focused significant other may be very able to help with things like this. However, I know that mine, albeit very willing to help, shouldn’t be helping. Because he needs to be spending a considerable amount of time on his research and if I can take on the burden of some of these things to allow him to have that time, then I need to. It’s in the contract I didn’t realize I signed when we started graduate school. I mean, who doesn’t get sucked in to contracts they didn’t realize they’d signed this days?! (If you don’t think you are part of this group then you need to watch the documentary “Hot Coffee”, available on Netflix.) So here’s to relearning the single life as part of supporting your marriage!