A love letter to my son:
My son, I carried you. I carried you in my womb before I even knew you were there. I carried you after not being able to carry my babies that live in Heaven. I carried you to work with me each day and carried you safely home. I carried you to church each week and laughed as you danced to the music. I carried you to visit our family, to share the news that you were with me. I carried you as we packed up our home and prepared to move shortly after you arrived. I carried you even as my belly got as big (…bigger…) as a watermelon. I carried you on walks down the street twice a day as we tried to encourage you to make your debut. I carried you to the hospital three times. (We were a little too anxious to meet you.) When I finally carried you in my arms, it was like I had known you forever. Your dad and I carried you carefully, with hearts full of love and protection. We carried you home into utter chaos and then moved you halfway across the country. We carried you to meet all sorts of friends and family members, who were so eager to meet you.
I carried you as you learned when it is daytime and when it is nighttime. I carried you as you fell asleep on my chest, not wanting to be too far from your mom (or dad!). I carried you to your first wedding. I carried you as you learned how to hold your head up. I carried you as you figured out how much fun it is to constantly kick your feet. I carried you around our new home.
I carry you as you explore the outdoors. I carry you when you struggle to fall asleep. I carry you on countless walks as we watch the seasons change. I carry you when your tummy hurts. I carry you as you drool down my arm. I carry you as you help me do chores around the house.
I will carry you no matter how much my back aches. I will carry you when you are sad, mad, happy, and laughing. I will carry you as you see the world. I will carry you when you are sick, and I will carry you when you are tired. I will carry you no matter how many times you spit up on my shirt. I will carry you even if it seems like I’m spoiling you. (You can’t possibly be spoiled by too much love.)
But, my sweet boy, I love carrying you the most as you gaze up at me, with your goofy toothless smile. Your smile that says, “I love you”, and immediately warms my heart. That look that I will cherish forever.
I hope you know that I will carry you for as long as you will let me, but I will also let you go. Because as much as I love carrying you, my son, I love, even more, watching you grow.